remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
