I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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