why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
