On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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