living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
