I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
