porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
