You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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