Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
