Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
