Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
