Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
