My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We got so high we made milksteak
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
