what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i barfeds in our rink
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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