make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
