If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
