I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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