3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
