It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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