Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
