fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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