well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
