I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
