I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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