she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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