When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
