Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
