I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
