Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize