Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
