I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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