true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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