You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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