If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
