i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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