I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
