Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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