there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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