the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
