I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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