I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Randomize
