every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize