thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
