So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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