Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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