Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
