The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
