The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I still have a little drunk in my system
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
