What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
