Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
