Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
