i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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