I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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