Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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