he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I deserve this hangover.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
