She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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