It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
