he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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