I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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