You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
