Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
