Please, let me fuck your mom
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
