Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
