where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
