I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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