Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
