he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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