Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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