Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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