She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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