hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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