fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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